So i know its been awhile since I've blogged, but, sigh... I've been busy busy busy BUSY. One thing about being a student in college is, I am ALWAYS, and when i say always, i mean i am ALWAYS worried, about my homework, quiz, exam, and studying. Its like, I'm filled with anxieties all the time. i don't know if any other college student experiences this, but, sigh, i do and its not an easy feeling. When will there ever be a time of relief? i mean even between breaks of semesters, i try to settle in, relax, and just have the hugest brain fart ever, but it doesn't settle in as easy. it takes time, it takes time to re-condition myself to thinking, "OK, its over now, you can relax." And taking time sucks, because two weeks is not enough time. By the time i have settle a bit and have just gotten the habit of relaxing, its like someone pulled the trigger and said, "nope, times up, its time to hit anxieties again, LETS MOVE IT." Sheese...... Of course i can easily give up and do other things, but this is more of a "need and want" then a "have to" situation here.
On the other hand, there is a positive side to this anxiety building-- thingy?!.... this might be a bit cliche', but like that quote, "Pray for the worst, hope for the best, and expect the unexpected" by anonymous, which is what life is kinda like for me. Well, kinda i guess, when i am at my wits end. i mean i don't go through life, doing stuff half-a$$. Who would, especially when its SUPER tedious, time consuming, and it cost tons..... Any who, back to my point, i get great gratification when i achieve. i actually feel like my brain got bigger.... (literally, your brain is fully developed when you are 20, and its not getting any bigger) Its very rewarding and satisfying when i know that i am on the right track and i am understanding the materials. I'm not saying there isn't a time of down time for me, believe me there are. Its just that i try not to be too hard on myself and resort to self-destruct, i pick myself up, get my act together, and see where i went wrong, what i am not understanding, and where and what i need to concentrate a little more on. However, I'm not going to lie, i LOVE college. if elementary through high school had the same concept of teaching and class scheduling, i believe that so many students would actually want to participate in scholar institutes. Overall, the VERY first two years of college i believer are the hardest two years. why? i believe that it is because of the broad topic that a converging adolescent has to cover, let alone transitioning, that makes it super hard. Kinda like getting dropped off in the middle of the dessert with a map, food and water, and told to find your way to point B. it could be easy if you knew how to navigate your way around that dessert or easily utilize your resources, but if you dont, it can get pretty ugly.But once you have reached point B, you are more then ever, more familliar with what road you want to take in life..... And so you are wondering, where am i in this abyss? i am proud to say that after 5 years, i have arrived at destination B. what took me so long??? stay tune....... :)
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